I have been told that I have to “Shift my idea of what beauty is”and I would like to invite anyone that recognizes that today’s views of beauty are one-dimensional, and wants to change the way beauty is viewed, to join me on a one year journey, of changing the way I see myself and others. I plan on sharing my daily struggles with daily exercise, moods, set backs, situations and triumphs, while shifting my view of beauty, and embrace being in my late 40s, moving into my 50’s in the most graceful way I can. I recognize that it is a huge blessing to get older, and it’s unrealistic to strive to look like the airbrushed TV personalities of today. What I can be , is a positive “inspiration” to women who may be struggling with something similar, and draw a community of all kinds of Beauty.
6:15 AM Weighed in on Monday at 165 LBS
I head out the door and tell myself I will not stop on this jog. I will complete the mile and I am very proud to go past the mile marker. I am out of shape and out of breath.I will walk home to pick up my best friend, my black and white Havanese. Her name is Truffles, and she is pure love.I come back home and it’s time to head for work. I own a small car lot with my husband, newly opened in late february. Yesterday I left early to get my hair done.we were meeting with our blended family, and i spend most of the week stressing on how I look.I need to shift this, I know.I reflect on how it went and I am pleased that I have made progress on accepting a compliment and joining in on pictures. My stepson graduated firefighter. He thanked me for coming. That meant a lot to me.I had a bold, conservative red dress on, not a color I would have normally sported, but somehow it called to me when I was looking for possibilities in my closet.
It Has Been A Week
This morning I decided I cannot continue to jog on the streets of my neighborhood. Though I feel great that I have conquered my breathing and stamina as I jog, I cannot take the risk of my knee giving out and postponing my progress. I spent the week icing it and got a knee brace, but it is a persistent pain. I pack a small bag to take to the gym and decide I will start my days on a knee friendly elliptical. It is an uncomfortable setting as I am easily embarrassed, as though people are watching my clumsy attempts to try a new machine. I decide to snap a quick picture of myself in the entrance to the bathroom, hoping no one walks in as I do it. I have made progress in the first week. I can feel my clothes loosening its grip on me, and the scale confirms at 162.8 that I am making the proper efforts to achieve a healthy weight. My fitbit also keeps me in line with daily activity, while MyFitnesspal helps me with accountability of nutrition. I do not want to become obsessed, I just want to succeed. I am not ready to share pictures yet. That would require me to be brave, and put myself completely out there, when I don’t even know how this one year journey will end. In the meantime ,I am formulating a new “picture of the inside” of myself, shifting what beauty means to me. It’s not just the outward appearance. It’s what shows through from the heart. How you accept challenges around you. It’s standing out despite what’s going on in our society. It’s making a difference. I look forward to sharing some of that as well in my future posts.