You Have to Leave Beauty Behind
I haven’t written in a few days, thinking of a relatable topic for women, like me, who are aging and aging “strategically.” Today is 39 days since I made the serious commitment to take charge of my feelings of self and re-invent a better version of “ME”. As the quote goes,” No one can make you feel bad about yourself unless you give them permission.” I have roller coasted on weight before, but this is different because it’s linked to aging. I am now in a very strange, sensitive place as I head into the next phase of my life- 50 being just a few short years away. I can’t turn around and run in the other direction. Instead, I have to move towards it, as it moves towards me. I can’t seem to get into the “Fabulous Fifties” or “50 is the new 40”, light mode,( wish I could). Living in Florida,normal activities include boating, jetskiing, beaching, etc. I can’t tell you the feeling of discomfort I feel as young bikinis walk or boat by when I’m with my husband. For the record, he is a gentleman and doesn’t flinch even a little when I’m around because he knows and respects the sensitivity of the topic. I realize, I can only control what I can control. So what can I control? I ask myself ‘ What is making you FEEL old? I’ve done a couple of small things along with my commitment to achieve a healthy body image. I go to physical therapy regularly to help stop from ” hunching” and try to reverse the curving of my shoulders. I follow up daily at the gym with the foam roller and pilate ball, because I’m really striving to get better posture. I also got contacts so I don’t have to fumble around for my glasses when I’m out with friends. It’s a small triumph, joined with a little bit of freedom. For the weight, I find logging food is the only strategy that has given me past success. There are several online sites that are free and they have great community support as well. Of course just cutting back calories at an age where metabolism is lathargic is not enough. There has to be movement.
I have to say, my attitude of movement has changed over these 39 days. I used to feel very self conscious walking into a gym, but now I actually look forward to it. It’s “my time.” I find a quiet corner and drag a foam roller, pilate ball, bands and mat to do all my stretching recommended by my PT. Then I head over to a few weight machines and finally take in 30 minutes of cardio machines. I feel great when I’m done, and know that my outward self is inviting my inner self to “make peace.” I have a world of beauty within, I just never chose to look at it. My daily affirmation as stated in each writing piece is “Aging is a Blessing” and it is.
I suspect aging has always been hard for women, but I feel it is even harder now in an age where commitments are easily broken, and vanity of selfies has become the norm of validation. I was never one to have a facebook, twitter, or any social media page until I was thrown into it for our business. Something that was upsetting, and I have become strangely numb to, is that when I got a new follower of a young lady, there would be a sexual photo attached. Now it becomes routine to block these solicitations, but it just reflects how improper our society has become to which people will just shrug their shoulders. It’s become the norm sadly. And it just seems like an inundation of impropriety, to which I reason women aging in today’s time may find it harder than it once was. Beauty was judged in a very different measure than it is today. It had layers to it, where today it’s one dimensional. And as for men, men have a little more footing than women do. A 47 year old woman goes to the gym to lose weight, feel a little better about herself, possibly look a year or 2 older than her number. A man of the same age on the other hand almost buys back time. If he loses weight, he’s in the game.
So speaking as a 47 year old woman, in the age of milenials, I’ve made this commitment to myself, as serious as it would be to make a commitment to marry. I plan, exercise, go to work with my husband, try to be an example to young women, and engage in gratitude for my blessings daily. I question beauty, before I conclude and give a lot more people ‘a chance’ before I dismiss which doesn’t happen all to often. I purposely do not wear earbuds at the gym, because I want to be more connected with the beauty of others around me.
Post Note- Day 39
156.8 pounds , feeling a little more confident, hoping to encourage and inspire others to find time to take care of themselves! Beauty is all around!