When I think of vices, I think of things that affect only me causing no harm to others. They are my deep, deep weaknesses some rooted in my childhood. Today makes day 80 of my journey to adopting good habits to be a “better me.” One major struggle prior to this… Little Debbie Rolls. Innocent enough, these sweet creamy logs are like krypton to me. In childhood, I used to peel off the outer coat slowly and carefully, unroll the log, tearing off piece by piece, till I reached the creamy center. The difference from back then to now is that I had an adult limiting me to just one every now and again. I have a dialogue going on with my inner child ,” People who wear bathing suits proudly probably don’t consume these, and look how Little Debbie evolved up above…” but I swear there must be an addictive ingredient in these. Before the 80 days began I was having 2 of these a day, for about four months! Soon I was looking like picture 2 and 3 above. And even though I always regretted it in the morning (Sounds like other moments I may have had- LOL), cursing at my scale, I could not seem to help myself, which is why I recognize this as my vice. Today I keep an empty box in my closet to remind myself of the fat content and that this was a bad habit I’ve been able to break. I’m able to fit into smaller sizes now-a small but noted triumph. It’s become easier to say no to Debbie as I pass her in the familiar aisle of the supermarket. I swear one time she winked at me. “Hallucinations, cravings, self talk… someone should study what ingredients are in these exactly because I’m sure there is something purposely put in these to keep people hooked on them. Do not let the sweet packaging fool you- she’s EVIL. To be fair, Little Debbies are not my only vice, pretty much any sweet, chocolate dessert can lead me down a dark chocolate path. And what about birthday cakes? Who created the idea of the birthday cake anyway? I’m gonna research it. Every happy occasion is marked with these seemingly innocent flour and icing sculptures, to be gathered around and formally mark the celebration, like a hypnotic ritual. Ever notice how everyone could be spread out all over the big event, but once you say the word “Cake” everyone makes their way over, like they are under a hypnotic spell? What about at the office? It’s someone’s birthday- gotta have donuts with coffee in am, followed by the darn cake in the afternoon/ end of day. No wonder I have an untamable sweet tooth! Don’t even try to tell me, ” Have you tried the lowfat version of ___?” It’s very clear in trying them that SOMETHING major is missing. I don’t even understand black bean brownies. Very confusing. All I can do to fight off the “Cake Wars” is to ask for a very small piece, and tell my inner child this is all you are getting. Back away from the corner piece. Now Behave!
Post Note- On a serious note, I continue to make small drops of progress ( as you can see above), and also realize that sugar is very negative for people with depression ( I have a very mild, manageable case probably hormone related, but my sense of humor always trumps it.) It does not play well with brain chemistry, so I have tapered off the sweets significantly but not completely. My general mood and energy level has increased at a noticeable pace, influencing my self care plan. Thank you for visiting my blog and feel free to drop a note. I love emails…ShiftinBeautyMovement@aol.com