About a year ago I made a commitment to write as a way to let a small voice inside of me echo out. One that says, I matter and I’m relevant even though the traditions I grew up with are fading. I’d like to think I can be of comfort to women out there going through the same kind of thoughts.
Perhaps someone out there is going through a divorce. I often think it’s so easy to get married and join everything together, but to divorce is like trying to rip a piece of thick paper up neatly in the absence of scissors. When a marriage fails there’s a great deal of pain involved and self evaluation. Your sanity definitely gets questioned, such as my play on words in the title:) Though I divorced over a decade ago, I can still feel the hurt and empathize with anyone going through it. The good news is, once you finally get it all settled, there will be better days ahead. Your vision will focus from a very blurry state to a very clear state.
The title of my blog is “Shift in Beauty” for a reason. I believe for women, the events that present themselves in our lives such as aging or divorce can cause us to question our beauty. My Day 4 Post gives good insight to what really started this blog. Today all that seems to matter is how you look and how well your selfie comes out. And as we age we are to look inside for our beauty. That’s a very difficult concept for me to adjust to, and I have actually had to work very hard to embrace it. I spent a year on a weight loss and strengthening journey, and though I have succeeded at weight loss, the strengthening is still in process. But in that process is self discovery and re-evaluation.
What I am finding out is that I keep surprising myself, pleasantly. And now that I am an empty nester, I find myself setting new goals and actually moving in the right direction to attain them. That is a great, great feeling. Can I look in the mirror and tell myself that I’m beautiful? Truthfully I have never been able to, and continue to heal wounds from my first marriage, but I should have never have relied on anyone telling me I am. It should come from me. And it may. I might have to redefine what beautiful means to me, because what I am learning is that beauty is fluid. It changes as we change. We just have to be willing to look beyond the exterior. We need to be committed to go deeper.
Post note: Still maintaining weight loss. Getting active definitely lets me eat a little more freely.